


Rest Easy

by Gbookworm1737



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Clony - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, High School, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Monet's, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Repressed Memories, Secrets, Slow Build, Social Anxiety, Social Isolation, Therapy, Underage Drinking, cassette, tony's mustang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:34:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gbookworm1737/pseuds/Gbookworm1737
Summary: For years, Clay has managed to get through high school with the help of his two best friends, Skye and Hannah. Unlike his friends, Clay plans to spend his senior year undetected by those around him. This is proven to be rather difficult when he meets Tony Padilla, the school's new kid with a 1968 Ford Mustang. Drawn by his confidence and carefree attitude, Clay unintentionally develops feelings for the mechanic throughout various trips to Monet's and listening to rock n' roll on cassettes as they cruise through Crestmont. But Clay has secrets of his own and a shameful past that he doesn't dare tell anyone. So what better way to avoid damage than to end the relationship before it starts? After all, it's much easier to quell his emotions rather than confront his past. He just didn't expect Tony to be so persistent at uncovering the truth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story contains past sexual abuse and explores many mental health issues that result from traumatic experiences including: Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, social isolation and much more. Some scenes will be very GRAPHIC and TRIGGERING to those who have or are experiencing similar situations of abuse. This work is fictional and the characters belong to author Jay Asher.
> 
> First pairing of Clay and Tony (A.K.A Clony). I find their chemistry on the show absolutely mesmerizing and there aren't nearly enough fanfics about them. Please read the warning above because this fic explores very serious topics of sexual abuse and the negative effects post trauma. If you find you might be triggered by this fanfic, please don't read it. I don't want to bring discomfort to anyone. With that being said, childhood sexual abuse is a legitimate topic that should be brought to the surface. I find it equally important to note that males can also be victimized to this form of abuse and should be regarded with the same amount of validation and respect as female victims. 
> 
> Okay, that's enough with the disclaimers. Here's the first chapter. I hope you enjoy!

Clay stood motionless on the cobble steps by the gateway of Bryce Walker’s house. The vibrations of the roaring music resonated with the pounding rhythm pulsating throughout Clay’s entire body. The hot, humid air of mid-August caused his baby blue dress shirt to cling to his body. He could feel the cool, slick sweat of the material clinging to his physique, a telltale sign of his nervous demeanour.

 

“Hannah I can’t do this.” He stated watching as dozens of drunken teenagers made their way up the pathway and into the tumultuous crowd. A couple of people bumped into him, slurring out apologies as they giggled their way into the house. Clay moved off to the side onto the freshly cut grass and steadied himself against the metal gate. Moments later he felt a hand grasping his right shoulder and giving a firm, but reassuring, squeeze.

 

“C’mon Clay it’s going to be fun,” Hannah replied, buzzing with excited energy. Clay glanced up to see her bright, wide eyes smiling back at him, illuminated with anticipation of what the night would bring. “This is our first big party that we’re allowed to go to. And it’s with the popular people. Besides Skye cancelled on us, there’s no way you’re leaving me too.”

 

Now that he thought about it, Clay should’ve stayed with Skye. They would probably be marathoning Harry Potter right about now while eating surprisingly delicious vegan donuts that Skye bought from the bakery down the street. Nevertheless, Clay was a pushover at best, which meant if one friend of the terrific triad cancels, the other is obligated to go.

 

And who was Clay to say no to Hannah? Honestly, she was the perfect combination of the girl next door meets rebel. Sweet with a hint of razor-edged sarcasm. Clearly not a pushover like Clay. And she was pretty too. She had beautiful chestnut curls that fell down to her mid-back and piercing green eyes outlined in blue. Her smile was almost as infectious as her laugh, her complexion pale but clear, not a blemish on her body.

 

“I thought you didn’t like the popular people,” Clay muttered, digging the tip of his shoe into the ground below as a way of distraction.

 

“I don’t” She said quickly, her hand dropped, and she playfully bumped his shoulder with her own. Clay swayed slightly before giving her a suspicious look. “Fine,” she sighed, “Maybe I care a little okay?” Clay waited a beat of silence before he answered.

 

“You know if we turn around now, we might be able to make it in time for the second movie.” Clay turned slightly before a hand gripped his forearm, pulling him back in. Hannah’s laugh could be heard over the loud rap music.

 

“Clay we’re supposed to be having fun. I’m supposed to be bringing you out of your shell.” She reminded, giving him a pointed look. Clay averted his eyes and focused on the house.

 

“Yeah but I like my shell, it’s a good shell.”

 

“It’s a lonely shell.”

 

“I’ve got you and Skye.” He argued.

 

“Two friends?” Here we go again with the infamous eyebrow raise.

“That’s all I need.” Clay conceded flashing her a half grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Hannah gave him that look that signified ‘you’re such a stubborn idiot’ before her features softened. She let out an exaggerated sigh and Clay felt that momentary sense of guilt from holding her back.

 

“Fine,” he sighed. “you win Baker.” He grumbled, ignoring the self-satisfied smirk the girl sported. Hannah flipped her long curls to the side as she rummaged inside her bag. She pulled two bottles out and flashed them at Clay.

 

“Tequila or Vodka?”

 

~*~

 

Clay wasn’t much of a drinker, so the initial taste of alcohol burned all the way down his throat. He grimaced as he pulled the bottle away from his lips and scoped the room, observing his fellow classmates and strangers laugh, cheer and dance to the beat of the music. Clay watched them like they were foreign creatures, the way the gyrated hips together or sloppily made out, seemingly unfazed to PDA. Clay’s heart tightened at the sight, so he turned to the chip table and plopped a handful of pretzels into his mouth.

 

“Clay come dance with me.” Hannah beckoned, tugging on his sleeve. Before he could answer, Hannah tugged him through the crowd, until he was far away from the sidelines. Far away from his comfort zone.

 

“Hannah I can’t dance!” He shouted over the deafening roar of a generic pop song with an uplifting beat and high tempo. Hannah waved him off, still holding onto him as she moved to the rhythm, adding a swing of her hips when she felt like it. She attracted attention from the guys around her. Clay made sure to glare at each one who stared too long in inappropriate places.

 

“You’re fine, just do what everyone else is doing!” She shouted back. The bodies closed in on them, eliciting a sense of panic that coursed through Clay’s veins, but he quelled it down. He began to bounce up and down and shift from side-to-side, mirroring the crowd. Hannah cheered him on, laughing in good fun. The two danced like that for a couple songs. Clay felt the tension slowly release from his shoulders. As he continued to dance, his moves were more fluid, his anxious mind put on hold for the sake of letting go and having fun.

 

And for a moment, it was fun.

 

Until Bryce showed up.

 

Clay halted his movements completely as the jock and his groupies trailed behind. Clay watched the captain of the baseball team smize his way through the crowd until he reached him and Hannah.

 

“Hannah Baker and Clay Jensen? Damn, you guys showed up?” He laughed in disbelief. He chugged what was left in his red solo cup and gave the two a skeptic look. Clay noticed he wore his iconic blue and beige Liberty High Tigers jacket along with washed denim jeans and a basic white tee. Clay wanted to roll his eyes at the simplicity of the stereotype he was promoting.

 

“Yeah we finally made it.” Hannah yelled back, “It’s a good party” She complimented.

 

It was a decent party, Clay argued, until now. Clay peeked a glance at Bryce to find the man staring at him with something akin to confusion before he trailed his eyes onto Hannah. Clay looked away, feeling sweat trickle down his neck once more, his breathing hitched. Hannah gave him a strange look.

 

“I’m gonna go get some air.” He said in her ear, disappearing before she had the chance to object. Within seconds, Clay was shoving his way through the crowd, bumping against people without the slightest care. His throat felt tight and the pounding music matched the anxiety strumming through his body. He felt the lingering eyes on his back and quickened his pace until he opened the door and stepped out onto the patio.

 

_He felt hands on his body. A bunk bed and the sound of doors locking. He saw a baseball field in the distance, behind a washroom shack next to a dingy old water fountain._

 

Fresh air attacked his senses and he gulped it greedily. He stumbled his way onto the porch and made his way past the group of cheerleaders who gave him odd looks and over to the side. It was the only part of the house that seemed secluded except for a shorter man who had his arms stretched out across the railing.

 

‘Ok, breathe’ Clay reminded himself, thinking back to what his therapist had instructed in case a panic attack arose. _Focus… focus on three things. Point out three things at the party._

 

Well there were cheerleaders at the front door. Tony spotted Sheri, a friendly girl who often talked to Clay in math class despite their clashing social statuses. Sheri was cool, and Clay was definitely not, but the girl didn’t mind talking to him when she saw him roaming the halls. Sheri was very sweet. Clay often saw her arranging the schools “Dollar Valentine” with her fellow friends. She was preppy but the good kinds. Clay liked Sheri. Everyone seemed to as well.

 

Next, a wind chime that stood outside the porch. Clay could hear the trill the object emitted that corresponded with the cool breeze of the night. It made a rather lovely sound. Not too loud but loud enough to be heard.

 

The man’s rings are what Clay focused on next. The tapping rhythm of metal of rings hitting the metal of the railing provided Clay with an odd sense of serenity that grounded him. He subconsciously matched his breathing to the tapping until he felt calm once again.

 

“You good man?” Clay nearly jumped when he heard the question. The tapping stopped as the man turned around to face Clay. He leaned against the balcony and propped one foot against the metal, his hands laying loose and relaxed by his sides. He gave Clay a questioning look waiting for an answer.

 

Clay cleared his throat and gave a quick nod. “Yeah” he said, “I’m fine.”

 

The man studied him for a brief moment before he turned back around. The porch lights were dimly lit but Clay could still make out the leather jacket that dawned on muscular shoulders and fitted dark jeans that hugged his lower body quite nicely.

 

Clay glanced back at the party. Hannah would probably be worrying about him right now. But if he was being honest, he really didn’t want to go back inside and risk having another panic attack. He looked back at the man and walked towards the ledge, far enough away from him without being too obvious.

 

The two stood there in silence. The wind chime offered its own music outside, yet the blaring roar of shouting could still be heard. Clay smelt freshly cut grass as his hands gripped the cold railing. Every now and then he would cautiously peek glances at the shorter man. His tanned skin was on the darker side, speaking to Clay of some ethnic background. His hair was nearly black and perfectly gelled with the sides cut shorter. Clay noticed some stars behind his ear, but he didn’t want to pry too much in fear of getting caught.

 

The man must have registered his staring based on the pointed look he threw his way. “See something you fancy?” His tone was teasing with an edge of seriousness. He was not the guy Clay wanted to mess with despite the obvious height he had against him.

 

“Uh no, sorry. You just look like a 1950’s greaser.” Let it be known that when Clay was nervous, he had the unfortunate habit to let his mouth do the talking without his brain filtering his thoughts. This was definitely one of those times where he regretted the words as soon as they fumbled their way out of his mouth.

 

The man beside him chuckled softly. His shoulders shaking in amusement before he glanced up at Clay and smirked.

 

“Surprisingly, I haven’t heard that one before.” He replied smoothly as he extended his hand, “Name’s Tony Padilla.” Clay made sure to wipe his clammy hands on his jeans before he grasped the man’s hand. Tony gave a firm handshake, the underlying strength behind it was clearly present. Clay noted that the man’s hands were rough and calloused. Clay could feel the metal of Tony’s rings brush alongside his skin.

 

“Clay Jensen.” He stated dropping his hand back down to his side. He levelled Tony’s stare with feign coolness and leaned back against the railing for added measure. He tried his best to act like he didn’t just experience a panic attack in front of a really handsome yet slightly intimidating guy. Tony watched the action and snorted. Clay felt a little stupid and straightened his back.

 

“So Clay,” Tony began, “What’s a cool guy like yourself doing out here and not in there?” He asked gesturing to the house filled with crazy teenagers. Clay shrugged his shoulders.  

 

“I’m claustrophobic.” He lied. There was no way in hell he was going to tell a complete stranger about his problems when he couldn’t even tell his friends and family, let alone admit his troubles to himself.

 

Tony seemed to purse his lips like he tasted something sour. He stared at Clay like he was a puzzle. Clay ignored the uncomfortable feeling that rushed down his spine. He really hated it when people stared at him. Tony’s eyebrows narrowed briefly before his eyes shined in mirth. He gave Clay a once over and his lip twitched up in a smile. “I guess it’s a bad idea to come to a party filled with hundreds of people if you’re claustrophobic Clay.”

 

Clay felt heat climb its way up from his neck to his ears and he momentarily looked away in embarrassment. ‘Okay,’ he thought to himself, ‘that was a foolish thing to say’. He felt his armpits begin to sweat in the presence of Tony Padilla and he mentally cursed himself for his social awkwardness.

 

“What about you?” He questioned, trying to divert the conversation. “What are you doing out here?”

 

Tony angled his body sideways, so he was facing Clay. His right hand held onto the railing, the other slid into his jean pocket. This time it was Tony’s turn to shrug his shoulders.

 

“My ma wanted me to go out to a party. She said it would do me good to go out and meet people around here.”

 

“You’re new here?” Clay asked to which Tony nodded. “What school?”

 

“Liberty High,” He responded, brown eyes meeting blue. “Senior. You?”

 

“Senior” Clay answered. He wondered why someone like Tony would move to a town like this to finish up his last year of high school. Did he get kicked out of his last school? Okay, no that’s rude. He shouldn’t be making assumptions. He didn’t even know the guy. “So did you go inside at all or?” He asked. Tony shook his head, dropping it to look at the ground briefly before he met Clay’s eyes.

 

“Nah, not my scene. I was actually just leaving until I saw you come out here huffing and puffing.”

 

Clay gave a nervous laugh as he rubbed his neck, hiding how awkward he felt. “Sorry about that.” He apologized sheepishly. When he looked back at Tony, he saw how warm and relaxed his features were. He had a handsome face with dark brown eyes, a strong jawline and rosy lips. He had recently shaved but the facial shadows blended with his darker complexion. Tony’s eyes lifted to something behind him. Confused, Clay followed his gaze and turned to see Hannah speed walking towards the two.

 

“God Clay I’ve been looking for you forever.” She exclaimed, eyes wild and hair untamed. Her cheeks had a rosy hue that only happened when she drank. She paused to look at Tony and then back at Clay. “I’m not interrupting something am I?”

 

“No” Clay responded a little too quickly. He could feel Tony watching him along with Hannah. He felt uncomfortable and shy all at once. “Sorry I ran out like that.” He apologized focusing his attention on his best friend.  

 

“Yeah what the hell was that?” Hannah asked. Tony cleared his throat and the two shifted their gaze to him.

 

“I should get going,” he stated shoving his hands into his jacket pockets as he made his way past the two. He turned around and gave Clay one last look like Hannah wasn’t even there. “Remember deep breaths Clay.”

 

“What?” Clay responded, confused. Tony chuckled, motioning to him with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

“Your claustrophobia.” He replied. _Oh, right._ Clay ignored the confused look Hannah sent his way.

 

“Right. Uh, thanks.”

 

Tony nodded his head. “Nice meeting you Clay.” He told him, flashing him a smile as he turned around and descended the steps, making his way past the cobblestone pathway and onto the street. Clay kept his eyes glued to his back until he couldn’t see Tony anymore. He flinched when he felt a smack against his right shoulder and nearly shrieked, giving his best annoyed look at his perpetrator.

 

“Hannah what the heck?” He groaned rubbing his shoulder. When Hannah continued to stare at him, Clay rolled his eyes. “What?”

 

“What?” She repeated exasperated as she pointed in the general direction Tony left. “What was that? More importantly, who was that? And how come you’re claustrophobic and I never knew about it?”

 

“His name’s Tony Padilla. He’s going to liberty high; he’s in our grade.” Clay explained, avoiding the comment about his fake phobia. He didn’t want to bring that up. If he did there would be a slew of questions from Hannah and Clay really wasn’t in the mood to get into that conversation.

 

But thanks to the alcohol, Hannah let the question go. She gave a low whistle, raising her eyebrows in awe. “With a face like that he’s going to attract a lot of cheerleaders. That’s sure going to piss off Bryce Walker.” Clay felt an uneasy feeling at the first part of her sentence but decided to ignore it. He tugged at a loose thread on his sleeve and gave a nonchalant shrug.

 

“I guess so, he seems really nice.” He admitted thinking about the guy. It was too early to tell, but Clay secretly sent a prayer to the heavens that Tony wouldn’t join any varsity teams and ultimately become a hormone-crazed jock. He didn’t seem like that kind of guy judging by their short-lived conversation.

 

“Well, I’m bored.” Hannah announced, bringing a hand up to her mouth as she covered a fake yawn. “This party blows. Let’s go back to Skye’s.”

 

Clay’s eyes lit up in a combination of surprise and excitement. “Really?” Hannah rolled her eyes and laughed that warm infectious laugh, throwing an arm over Clay’s shoulder. Clay bent down slightly to accommodate her shorter frame. He smelt the familiar scent of cherry blossoms that Hannah reserved only for the nights she went out. 

 

“Yeah, I’ve tortured you long enough,” she confessed. “Let’s go helmet before I change my mind.”

 

~*~

 

Later that night, Clay sat in a heap of blankets with Hannah and Skye on either side. The night got surprisingly chilly fast, signaling the steadfast arrival of fall. When they arrived at Skye’s, she took one look at the two of them and snorted before opening the door all the way. The two quickly stepped inside. Hannah grabbed a pair of Skye’s pajamas and changed in her room while Clay microwaved a package of popcorn, then topped it off with salt n’ vinegar seasoning. He was somewhat disappointed to see that all the donuts were gone.

 

All three of them plopped down on the couch together, Clay resting his long legs on the coffee table, mindful not to knock over any pop cans. They arrived halfway through the third movie, Skye downright refusing to rewind any scenes. Clay didn’t mind though, he wasn’t focused on the movie. No, his mind raced back to the conversation with Tony. What he knew so far of the man, he liked a lot. He reminded him a bit of Skye. Tony didn’t look like he cared what other people thought of him. He seemed to march to the beat of his own drum. Clay admired that and hoped that he would see him again. He vowed that this would be the year he’d become more social. 

 

 _That was probably not going to happen though._  

 

Clay’s mind raced to the party. He thought about Hannah and Bryce and how anxious he had gotten at the sight of him, how uncomfortable he felt. Guilt riddled his body before he pushed the thought away and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He didn’t need to worry about that. 

 

He just had to get over senior year. Everything will be okay after that.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: flashbacks to sexual acts without consent.

_Baseball field._

_Men’s washroom._

_Clay heard the sounds of his coach calling off names onto the field in the distance. He wondered if Coach Johnson would get worried where he was and come find him._

_“Your grip has to be harder” the boy said overlapping Clay’s hand with his own as he proceeded to stroke himself. “Like this.” The boy instructed. Clay kept his eyes glued to the bathroom stall. The stall was cramped, his body pressed up against the taller boy’s. The stall smelt like urine, he flinched as the boy’s breath tickled his neck. Clay read over the graffiti as he worked his hand to the other boy’s pleasure._

_“I want to go home.” Clay whispered trying to pull his hand away. The boy gripped his arm tightly. Clay whimpered in pain._

_“No,” he said, “Keep going.” Clay’s brain felt fuzzy. He felt detached as did what he was told. He wiped his runny nose against his sleeve and stifled a sob._

_“Walker you in there?” Coach Jensen called out. The boy immediately pulled away from Clay, shoving him towards the toilet. Clay yipped as he almost fell in._

_Clay tried his best, but he couldn’t stop the tremor in his hands. He shivered as he felt a warm hand cup his jaw and tilt his head up. The grip was harsh, and he shook slightly as the other boy leaned forward and breathed in Clay’s ear._

_“Make sure you clean this up.” He ordered. Clay nodded his head, mute, and watched as Bryce tucked himself back into his pants. Clay shivered, disgust and shame coiling deep within his gut._

_“Don’t repeat this to anyone got it Jensen?” The boy snarled as he yanked up his pants. “And stay here until I leave.” Clay nodded his head and stayed on the toilet as the boy unlocked the door and walked out._

_Faintly, Clay heard his coach ask Bryce if he saw him. Bryce said he hadn’t. Clay sat on the toilet as instructed and waited. His stomach felt too sore to go back out on the field._

There was a steady knock on his door. Moments later the door opened revealing his mother in a matching lilac blouse and pencil shirt adorned by a crisp, white blazer. Her blond hair was expertly pinned up in a chignon bun with loose strands that were curled in a way that framed her face quite nicely. Clay blinked up at her unsteadily.

“Hey mom.” He greeted softly, forcing a smile. Lainie smiled brightly at her son, strolling into the bedroom to plant a kiss on his forehead. Clay smelt expensive perfume and involuntarily crinkled his nose. _Too much perfume mom._ He thought to himself.

“Hey sweetie,” she greeted. “Breakfast is ready. You better get downstairs while it’s still hot, your dad’s cooking.”

“So, it’s inedible is what you’re saying?” Clay retorted earning a chuckle from his mom. His dad was great, he wasn’t going to lie but he couldn’t cook. He made up for that by actively trying to be involved in Clay’s life. His father was never distant, but he was also aware of the puzzling times of being a teenager and knew when to back off. After all, he spent most of his time working as a professor. He knew how to handle angsty teenagers.

Clay’s mother on the other hand was anything but. Clay often associated his mom with the term ‘helicopter parenting’ because she was always around asking questions. Questions about his nonexistent love life, his grades, whether or not he was harbouring a secret crush on Hannah, etcetera. That didn’t mean he loved his mom any less, but she was definitely a struggle at times.

“Your dad’s trying his best” Lainie responded, brushing her hand against her son’s cheek. Clay wanted to roll his eyes; he wasn’t a kid anymore. He didn’t need to be coddled by his mom. It was embarrassing. It was downright humiliating when she ruffled his hair in front of Hannah and Skye. His best friends always teased him about it afterwards.

“Okay I’ll be down in a second.” He said, moving his head away from his mom’s grasp. He watched her frown slightly at the act but composed herself moments later. She straightened her back and gave him a warm smile, instructing him to be down in five minutes, then left the room.

Clay exhaled the moment she left. He stared at the open doorway for a while before realizing that his mother would definitely come back upstairs in five minutes if Clay didn’t get his butt into gear.

He shoved his binders and supplies into his plain black backpack before tossing it over his shoulder. He ran his hand over his hair in an effort to tame the loose strands that stuck up in weird places. He briefly thought about gelling his hair like Tony but decided against it. That wasn’t his style.

To Clay’s amazement, breakfast actually smelt really good. He bounded down the stairs and wandered over to the kitchen to see a fresh plate of salsa eggs and toast next to a glass of orange juice. His dad had just turned off the burner and smiled when he saw Clay.

“Hey buddy” he greeted as he sat down beside him, his tablet resting on the table. “You excited for your first day?”

“Hey dad.” Clay slung the backpack off his shoulder and plopped down in his seat. “Yeah, last first day of high school. Can’t wait to be over and done with it.” His mother took her seat across from him. She watched him with a fond look as she scooped pieces of fruit into her mouth.

“It can’t be that bad” She reasoned, “I had a great time in high school. I was captain of the debate club and vice president.”

“I know mom. Being a lawyer is in your blood.” Clay shoveled the eggs into his mouth when he saw the time on the clock. He just sat down and now he was already going to be late.

“Slow down there kiddo” Matt intervened, reaching out to stop his son’s rushed movements. “No need to choke, I can give you a ride if you’re running late.” God that was so lame; getting a ride from your dad when you’re a senior and everyone else is already driving their own cars. Clay had his licence, but he never left town. Besides, his parents always needed the car for work. His primary mode of transportation was his bike and he was fine with that.

Regardless, Clay slowed down and bit into his toast. He chewed slowly receiving a nod of approval from his dad. "Where's Justin?" Clay asked, looking around the table. "He wanted to get to practice early, new season and all" Lainie informed. She placed her arms on the table and leaned forward. “Are you going to join any extracurricular activities this year?”

Clay groaned. “Mom, not again. I already told you I’m not joining the debate team.” Lainie chuckled.

“Well it doesn’t have to be the debate team” she argued. “How about a sports team? Like baseball? You used to love that when you were a kid.”

Clay swallowed. He felt a lump in his throat as anxiety swirled around his intestines and latched on tightly. He placed the toast on his plate and wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’m not joining the baseball team.” He muttered under his breath.

He could hear his mom click her tongue. “Honey are you sure. It would be good for you to get outside in the sun-”

“I should probably get going.” He interrupted as he hastily stood up. The table shook slightly, he could hear the loud noise of his fork hitting his plate before it fell on the ground. He cursed as he bent down to pick it up, ignoring the worried looks his parents shared.

“You okay son?” Clay nodded his head. “Okay leave it there, I’ll clean it up.” Matt gave his son a reassuring smile and heard him utter a ‘thanks’ before he hastily threw his backpack over his shoulder and sped out of the kitchen like he was on fire.

The two waited a beat of silent after the door closed. Matt glanced back to his wife, glasses hanging low on his nose. “Well that was weird.” Lainie didn’t respond. She strummed her fingers nervously against the table, her breakfast long forgotten. Lanie stared at the spot where her son had left, questions running through her mind at a rapid rate of time. A warm hand covered hers. She met her husband’s gaze, the latter doing his best to reassure her as he stroked his thumb over her smooth skin in a delicate motion.

“He’ll tell us when he’s ready.” Matt whispered.

Lainie didn’t count on that happening any time soon.

~*~

It was a struggle to sit through the same old repetitive speech his principal delivered on the intercom every single year. It was even harder to stay awake during first period English. Clay had neither Skye nor Hannah in his class. He was forced to sit through the syllabus that outlined the basic rules and guidelines to the term, including special due dates for essays and the warnings of plagiarism.

Clay snuck glances at his phone and texted Hannah and Skye to meet him by the tables outside for lunch. He tried his best to pay attention, but realized he was zoning out like everyone else in the class. Mr. Carter, an older man who dressed similarly to Clay’s father in dress pants and a knitted sweater, continued on reading, oblivious to the teenagers who made light conversation beside each other.

When the bell rung, Clay packed up his things and headed to his locker. He grabbed his binder for his next class and shut the door. He halted when he noticed Tony Padilla taking out books from his locker.

Tony was easy to point out because he hadn’t changed at all since the last time Clay had seen him at Bryce Walker’s party. He wore the same leather jacket that he sported at the party, but this time her wore blue jeans and a black tee shirt. His hair was gelled perfectly, not a hair out of place. Clay wondered how long it took for Tony to get ready in the morning. His body posture conveyed an air of casualness as if he’d roamed these halls a hundred times before. He seemed so calm for someone who just moved here.

Clay debated going up to him. Would Tony even remember him? What if he was only friendly to Clay at the party out of pity and was viciously cruel to him inside the school walls? Clay steadied his breathing and ordered his feet to walk one in front of the other until he reached the man’s locker.

A faint smile ghosted the shorter man’s face as he closed his locker and faced Clay. “I was wondering how long you were going to stand there before you decided to come over and talk to me.” Tony smirked teasingly, almost as if he’d been friends with Clay for years.

Clay blushed and wondered how many people had seen that. He noticed a couple of students watching the pair with curious looks. It took a while for Clay to tear his gaze away from his fellow classmates and meet Tony’s eyes. The man had the appearance of being unbothered as he focused his attention on Clay. Whether or not Tony realized other people were staring at them didn’t seem to faze him in the slightest. He kept his back straight and shoulders wide, his body oozing the collective coolness Clay desired to have.

“Hey Tony.” Clay said, stealing glances at him.

“Hey Clay,” Tony said back, “How’s it going?” He asked as he leaned against the lockers. His eyes never left Clay’s face. He held a soft, friendly smile as he waited for an answer.

“Uh, good. Thanks for asking.” Tony nodded his head, almost as if he actually cared about Clay’s well-being. Clay racked his brain for something to say to keep the conversation going, but he came up short. They stood there in silence.

“I’m glad you’re doing good Clay” Tony replied, voice sincere. As if on cue, the warning bell rang, signalling for students to hurry up and get to class. Tony looked up at the ceiling then back to Clay. “It was nice seeing you again.” Clay nodded his head dumbly. He wanted to say so much more but his mouth felt dry, his tongue heavy. He felt Tony brush against his shoulder as he passed him and relished in the warm touch.

“Tony wait.” Clay rushed out, face heating up at how desperate his voice sounded. Tony turned around and gave him a questioning look mixed in with mirth. “I- uh never mind. Forget it, I’ll see you around.” He turned to leave, feeling stupid for embarrassing himself in front of Tony. God, it was like he had never communicated with another human being in his life.

“Clay,” Tony said, voice calm. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, you’re going to be late for class.”

“It can wait.” Clay gave him an incredulous look. Tony stood in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me. Not just me-” He stammered, realizing how weird that sounded. “With my friends Skye and Hannah. You remember Hannah, the girl at the party?” Clay rambled. He shoved his hands in his pockets to silence the shaking. He never knew what to do with his hands when he talked to someone. “Anyways, you don’t have to, it was a stupid idea-”

“Meet me at my locker after the bell.” Tony interrupted, flashing Clay a toothy grin. “I’ll see you at eleven.” Clay simply nodded. He stood there, watching Tony walk towards his class before he realized he also had class. He jogged to history, making it just in time for the second bell.

~*~

When lunch rolled around, Clay made his way to Tony’s locker. As promised, Tony was there waiting for him, holding a sandwich in one hand and a coca cola in the other. He flashed the taller boy a smile when he saw him. “Hey Clay,” He greeted.

“Hey Tony.” The two walked together as they made their way through the halls and out the doors of the school. They briefly talked about their classes and which teachers they liked and disliked. Hannah was the first to notice the two walking towards their table.

“Holy shit,” She exclaimed, bringing up a hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she got a good look at Tony. “You’re the guy from the party.” Skye broke away from her reading cards and squinted up at the two as the sat down together at the table.

“Yeah that’s me.” Tony chuckled, extending his hand out to Hannah’s. “Tony Padilla, nice to meet you-”

“Hannah. Hannah Baker and this is Skye Holland” Hannah introduced sticking her thumb out to the girl beside her. Skye briefly looked up and saluted Tony before she returned her attention back to her cards, flipping them over and shuffling the deck. Clay squashed the feeling of annoyance as Hannah shook Tony’s hand. He looked away from them for a moment. “So, how’s your first day going Tony?” Hannah asked, stirring ranch dressing into her salad. She wore a flowy floral dress and a light denim jacket. As usual Hannah looked stunning. Her hair was down and thick, untamed and long like a lion’s mane.

“I can’t complain. Glad to see some familiar faces that’s for sure.” Tony flickered his gaze sideways to meet Clay’s and offered him a warm smile. Clay smiled back automatically, his stomach fluttering with an odd feeling he couldn’t quite name. He ignored the smirk Hannah sent his way, cheeks flushing slightly. “Whatcha got there?” Tony asked, nodding his head over to Skye. She lifted her head and broke out into a mischievous grin.

“Fortune cards. Want to play?” She challenged, tilting her head to the side. Her fingers tapped rhythmically against the cards, her smile coy. Tony held up his hands in a defensive manner and chuckled.

“Sorry hermosa, I don’t put myself in those situations.”

“You’re Spanish?” Hannah asked, eyes lit with wonder. Tony gave a small nod.

“Puerto Rican.” He supplied, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. The four of them fell into amicable conversation, asking Tony a series of questions to which he replied. Clay discovered that Tony’s dad owned the Crestmont car shop on the west end, about ten minutes away from the school. Tony talked about his brothers and his sister, revealing that he was the baby of the family. The girls gave exaggerated coos at the piece of information.

Tony fit right into the group. Both Hannah and Skye seemed to genuinely like him if their bright smiles and laughter were anything to go by. And Clay like him too, more so than he cared to admit.

The warning bell rang all too soon, receiving collective groans from the girls. Hannah and Skye left together because their anthropology class was on the other side of the building. Tony and Clay both had gym class on the main floor.

“You didn’t eat your lunch” Tony pointed out as they made their way back into the school.

“I didn’t feel like eating before gym class.” Clay lied. Of course he could eat, but his stomach felt like it was compressed and cramping. He felt nervous being around Tony. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off him all lunch, let alone eat.

The two quickly grabbed their gym clothes and made their way into the gymnasium, sneaking into the changing room. There were a couple other guys chatting. Tony and Clay quickly changed into their gym clothes and shoved their casual clothes into their respective lockers.

When no one was in an ear-shot of listening Tony turned to Clay. “Well then I’m taking you to Monet’s after school. My treat.” He told him firmly and made his way over the group. Clay blinked a couple times before he caught up with Tony.

Mr. Rick, coach of the football and baseball team, stood in front of the group of guys and girls. Roughly forty people were in the class, the majority seniors. Coach Rick welcomed everyone back to another year at Liberty. Clay scanned the crowd, eyes falling on Bryce. He averted his eyes immediately when the captain of the baseball team caught him staring. Amongst the crowd were the typical jocks: Montgomery de la Cruz, Zach Dempsey and Marcus Cole. Jeff Atkins was also there, proving to the world that not every jock had to be a stereotypical jerk. Clay tutored Jeff all throughout his junior year. He wasn’t the brightest, but he was kind. He also spotted Justin, who didn't bother giving him a surprised look. As if Clay stepping into the world of physical activity and sports was something foreign to his brother. Clay ignored his questioning look. He didn't want to tell Justin that their mom had forced him to join P.E. He knew Justin would laugh, tell his friends and they would all jokingly tease him for the rest of the semester. Therefore, he turned his attention back to the front. 

Considering it was the first day of school, Coach Rick ordered ten laps around the soccer field outside. There were collective groans from the students as they dragged their feet out the doors and onto the field. Clay and Tony ran together at a steady pace and kept up light conversation.

By the time class had ended, everyone was tired and sweaty. But coach Rick didn’t care, he only reprimanded the students on the importance of staying in shape. Tony and Clay changed back into their clean clothes, applied deodorant to freshen up and splashed cold water on their faces to cool down.

Tony ran a hand through his sweaty hair, still regaining his breath, and flashed a smile. Clay followed the trickle of sweat that made its way down the side of his neck and disappear down his shirt.

“You ready Clay?”

Clay’s eyes flickered up to meet Tony’s. He nodded his head and smiled back.

~*~

Let it be known that Tony was one, if not the coolest guys Clay has ever had the privilege of meeting. They had planned to stop at Monet’s. What was once a local diner had rapidly merged into a coffee shop as well for the younger generation. The restaurant was stationed a couple minutes away from the school, making it convenient for students to visit during their lunch hour. It was fourth period and Clay was hoping they’d get settled in before the after-school rush bustled in.

The two strolled side-by-side down the school lot and towards Tony’s car. Clay stumbled a little when Tony stopped to stand in front of an old-fashioned mustang. Clay was an amateur at best when it came to cars, but he could tell from the glossy red finish and the shiny leather seats that Tony loved to drive in style.

“This is your car?” Clay asked in disbelief. He was afraid to touch it, the vehicle looked so perfect. Tony had made his way over to the driver’s side, forearms pressed on the top of the mustang as he leaned in.

“this is my baby.” He clarified, smoothing a hand over the metal in an affectionate way. “She belonged to my dad. Had to fight my brothers tooth and nail to get her.”

“Her?” Clay prompted, arching an eyebrow. “Seriously people actually give genders to their cars? I thought that only happened in movies.”

Tony laughed. It was stupid, but Clay really liked the way Tony’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. The sound itself was carefree and cheerful, exposing Clay to that familiar squeezing sensation in his stomach he seemed to get every time he was around Tony.

Tony tilted his head towards the car. “Hop in Clay.”

Clay opened the passenger door and slid into the seat. It was warm inside the mustang thanks to the warm autumn day. Tony placed the key into the ignition, twisted and hummed in appreciation as the engine vibrated to life. Cool air rushed to Clay’s face. Tony turned a couple knobs on the car, adjusting the air conditioning. Clay waited patiently and peeked at the back of the car, noticing that the leg room between the seats was smaller than the front. He wondered if Tony would let Hannah and Skye in the car as well. Maybe all four of them could take a drive sometime.

The sound of music brought Clay’s attention back to the front. He narrowed his eyes in contemplation as he studied the radio like it was something foreign.

“No CD player?” he asked, casting a sideways glance at Tony who shook his head.

“No way clay, we listen to cassettes only in this car.” Clay spluttered and gave the man beside him a bewildered look. Bob Seger’s ‘old time rock n’ roll’ started playing.

“Dude that’s so old.” He laughed although he secretly liked that Tony was different. How often do you come across a Puerto Rican teenager who wears leather jackets and drives a classic mustang while listening to Rock n’ Roll on cassettes in the twenty first century? Pretty rare if you asked Clay.

“You’re something else Jensen.” Tony replied, smiling as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road. He turned the knob, raising the volume slightly as the music resonated in the car. The clear, strong voice singing with additional help from the guitar strumming in the background. It had a soft rock feel to it. Clay’s hand tapped against his thigh to the beat of the music.

They pulled into Monet’s shortly after. Clay admitted that he was a little disappointed to be leaving the car and the music so soon. For a brief moment he felt like he had been transported to the 50’s, even though he knew that was not the case.

Monet’s held a retro meets modern vibe. It had the classic retro black and white square tiles with the plastic tan booths and bar stools by the counter. It held a modern touch with various plants on the walls and a marble counter top that had a glass display case, showcasing the various selections of pastries and bagels. There was a chalkboard at the back of the counter that listed different drink and food orders.

Clay followed Tony to a booth. They sat across from each other. Clay wanted to tell Tony that he didn’t have to do this; buy Clay a meal because he was too nervous to eat in front of him. He felt like a chick. Before he could voice his opinions, a short woman made her way to their booth.

“Por qué no estás en la escuela, Hijo?” She demanded checking her watch before raising her eyebrows at Tony. Clay watched the scene unfold quietly from his side of the booth. The woman either didn’t notice Clay or didn’t care. She had a hand on her hip as her body faced Tony. She looked to be around forty, her dark hair was gathered into a high ponytail. She had a short body but the air of someone who stood tall, much like Tony. She was gorgeous too, one of those women who didn’t need a lot of makeup to look good. She was naturally beautiful.

“Mamá,” Tony began, giving her a warm smile. “This is Tony. We have a spare together, which means there’s no class this period.” Tony’s mom glanced over at Clay with a thoughtful gaze. Clay tried his best to remain calm under her scrutiny. After a moments silence, she hummed to herself before giving a warm smile. She placed two menus in front of them. 

“It is nice to meet you Clay.” She said in a gentler tone than she had used with her son only seconds prior. Her English was perfect, but the trail of her Spanish accent could still be heard in her words. “I see you have made friends with mi Mijo, make sure he stays out of trouble for me hmm?” She said trailing her fingers through Tony’s hair. The latter groaned, shifting his head away from his mother’s hands causing the older woman to chuckle.

“Mamá,” Tony groaned, running a hand through his hair to fix it. Clay stifled a laugh as he watched the encounter enfold before him. “Give us a few minutes to find something okay?” Tony’s mom simply hummed and flashed a wink towards Clay, happy that she had succeeded in embarrassing her son. Clay blushed but smiled back. He watched her saunter onto the next table.

Clay opened up the menu and scanned through his options. Tony didn’t bother opening his menu. He had his arm thrown over the booth in a relaxed manner, fingers absentmindedly tapping against the plastic cover of the menu. When he caught Clay staring he flashed him a smile. Clay blushed and looked back down.

Luckily, Tony’s mom had come back just in time. She pulled out her notepad and starting writing down an order. “Let me guess, a burger and fries with a coke on the side.” She stated, arching an eyebrow at her son. Tony grinned in confirmation. Mrs. Padilla rolled her eyes fondly and turned to Clay.

“I’ll have the same thing, a water instead please.” He said politely. She scribbled down the order and stuck her pen behind her ear.

“I’ll bring your drinks shortly” she stated as she left once again. When she returned, she slid a glass of coca cola to her son and a milkshake to Clay. Clay frowned in confusion, looking up at the woman. Mrs. Padilla simply sighed in motherly fondness.

“Estás tan Delgado. I will charge you the same for a water.” She said, squeezing his shoulder. When she left, Clay turned to Tony.

“What did she say?” Tony paused, taking a sip of his drink before he placed it back down on the counter.

“She said you were too skinny.” He explained. _Oh._ Clay subconsciously pulled at his sleeve and Tony’s eyes trailed the movement, almost looking sad. “I’m sorry Clay, she means well. It’s not meant as an insult, she actually really likes you.”

“It’s okay, I’m a pretty lanky person.” Clay reasoned as he stirred the milkshake with his straw and took and experimental sip. It tasted delicious, vanilla ice cream soothing his taste buds. He swallowed and looked back up at Tony. “My mom forced me to join gym class as a way to get active.” He explained.

“You didn’t peg as someone who exercises” Tony said conversationally, his voice soft without judgement. Clay rolled his eyes and sat back in the booth, crossing his arms loosely over his chest.

“I can definitely run faster than you” he retorted.

“Is that a crack on my height?” Tony clapped back, brown eyes holding a teasing tone. Clay laughed, shoulders shaking at Tony’s comment. Tony simply smiled as he watched Clay before he rolled his eyes in mock exasperation.

“My mom runs,” Clay elaborated, “I get that from her I guess.” Tony hummed, fingers strumming along the table.

“What about your dad?”

“He likes to exercise his brain” Clay explained. “Sudoku, puzzles, crosswords; stuff like that. He’s an English professor. But not the boring kind, he makes a lot of dad jokes.” It felt weird, Clay thought. He had just met Tony and he already felt at ease making conversation. Yes, he was still nervous around him, but something about Tony made Clay push through the barriers of his social anxiety.

Tony brought a hand up and rubbed his jaw, listening intently. “What about your mom?” he prompted, “What does she do?”

“She’s a lawyer.” Tony’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.

“Smart parents.” He commented. Clay shrugged. Yeah, they were but he never wanted to brag about that kind of stuff. Besides, it didn’t matter how smart his parents were. Clay always valued kindness in people. He could definitely see that the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree.

“What about your parents?” He asked. “I like your mom too by the way. She’s very, uh, affectionate.” Tony chuckled, glancing back to see his mother waiting on tables.

“That’s putting it lightly.” He replied. “Well, I already told you about my dad. He owns the garage and never stops working. I picked up on that I guess. He’s a simple man, he’ll tell you when you’re being a jackass. He’s definitely not as affectionate as my mother, but he’s very accepting, and I know he’s proud of me.”

Clay smiled as he cupped the milkshake in his hands. Condensation ran down the glass and trickled down his hands. The touch was refreshing, especially on a hot day. “Sounds like a good dad.”

“Yeah he’s great. Ma works as an administrative assistant down on Clarence street at the nursing home. She picks up extra shifts here when she can.”

“She must be exhausted when she comes home.” Clay noted, sympathy clear in his voice.

“Yeah well with six kids and a husband it gets pretty hectic in our household.”

Mrs. Padilla made her way over with their food. She placed the hot food in front of the boys and flashed them both a smile.

“Thank you, Mrs. Padilla” Clay said.

“Such a polite boy,” She murmured, “You call me Lucina okay?” Clay nodded his head.

“Gracias Mamá” Tony thanked. Lucina smiled softly, brushing her hand along her son’s cheek. “You better leave a good tip.” She said sternly. Tony laughed and patted her hand affectionately. “Enjoy your food boys.”

The two kept their conversation light while they ate. They talked more about their family, Clay revealing Justin was his adopted brother who came into their family via the foster care system. Justin's mother was a drug addict, and the boyfriends she brought home testified for her negligence in keeping her child safe. Justin was eight when the neighbours called the social services, the yelling and fighting becoming too much for them to bare. Understandably, Justin had a short fuse and trust issues when he was adopted into the Jensen household. It took a while for him to warm up to Clay's parents and even longer for Clay. Despite the love he had for his brother, Justin could be selfish and quite the asshole. Clay told Tony how he would’ve loved having a sister.

“No way,” Tony interjected, his hand coming up to shake the idea away. “One sister is good enough. Adriana is wonderful, but she is very dotting. And the boys” Tony groaned, wiping his mouth on his napkin. “ _Joder,_ the boys she brings home are nothing but trouble.” Clay smirked.

“You’re very protective of her.” He noted, dipping his fry into the ketchup. He almost moaned, the food was heavenly as always. “I swear they put coke in these fries.” He stated. Tony chuckled.

“Yeah, we’re very protective of each other.” He agreed. Clay looked up at him and smiled.

“I think that’s really sweet. Justin and I are kind of close, but I think he lets school get to him. What other people might think of him.”

“I'm sure he loves you.” Tony said, smile empathetic.

“I guess,” Clay conceded, taking another sip of his drink. It's not that Justin ignored him completely, he just made a habit of not being friendly at school. Clay tried to reason that all siblings did that, ignored each other in the school halls, but the hurt he felt wasn't that easy to mask. Tony had caught on, and Clay had only just met the guy. Clay heard the door chime but didn’t think anything of it. The diner had gotten considerably busier than when they had first arrived. He did tense up when he heard the commotion of the jocks enter the diner, laughing and shoving each other as they playfully fought. Bryce Walker and his friends had stumbled their way into the restaurant, making their way over to the booths. Adults looked at them with annoyance for disturbing the previous peaceful atmosphere.

Mrs. Padilla distributed menus to all the guys. Clay spotted Bryce, Monty, Marcus, Zach and Jeff, the latter saw Clay and waved. Clay waved back. When his eyes landed on Bryce, he quickly looked away and turned back in his seat, staring down at his plate. He couldn't spot Justin.

“Hey Jensen!” Bryce shouted. “Enjoying your date?” There were collective snickers from Marcus and Monty. Zach shook his head, smiling slightly and returned to his menu. Jeff gave him a dirty look.

“The fuck dude. Can we just eat for once?” Jeff complained. Bryce shoved his shoulder and chuckled before opening his menu. Clay felt happy that Jeff had stood up for him, but he didn’t want him to get in trouble with his group. When he looked up from his plate, Tony was frowning, a muscle in his jaw ticking with irritation.

“You can’t let them treat you like this” He chastised, annoyed at the situation.

“It’s fine Tony, just let it go.” Clay begged. Tony scoffed, but dropped the issue. His eyes flickered to his mother as he observed her interacting with the teenagers. Mrs. Padilla had stayed quiet, not wanting to embarrass her son, but Clay could tell she was upset from her clipped tone. The boys, Bryce and Marcus in particular, had taken an interest in Tony’s mom. Clay quelled how sick he suddenly felt, how constricting his clothes had become on his skin.

“Now that’s a fiesta” Marcus taunted, earning laughter from his friends once Lucina had left with the orders. Tony’s jaw was tight, his hands twitching like he was dying to punch something. Someone. His shoulders were hunched over, his meal long forgotten. Clay didn’t touch his food either, his mouth felt bitter.

“Get me a brown Mexican woman like that. I bet she’s good at… cleaning things up” Bryce teased.

_Clay tried his best, but he couldn’t stop the tremor in his hands. He shivered as he felt a warm hand cup his jaw and tilt his head up. The grip was harsh, and he shook slightly as the other boy leaned forward and breathed in Clay’s ear._

_“Make sure you clean this up.” He ordered. Clay nodded his head, mute, and watched as Bryce tucked himself back into his pants. Clay shivered, disgust and shame coiling deep within his gut._

_He felt wrong and dirty._

_His hand was dirty._

“How about you shut the fuck up.” Tony ordered. Clay blinked a couple times, realizing his eyes were filling up with tears. He rubbed his hands together, making sure they were clean and dry. He exhaled a shaky breath. When his brain caught up with what Tony had said, it was already too late.

“What’d you say buddy?” Bryce asked. It was at this time that Mrs. Padilla had made her way over with the drinks. She distributed them coolly, sending a firm glare at her son.

“Basta, Tony” She reprimanded. Bryce sniggered and cooed, holding a hand to his chest.

“Aw, is this your mommy?” Clay rolled his eyes at the juvenile behaviour Bryce was displaying. A few people had turned heads as well, looking at Bryce with disgust. Students on the other hand, looked on with curiosity, probably wondering if a fight were about to break out.

Clay was buzzing with nervous energy and he wasn’t even involved. Tony was out of his seat before Clay could stop him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his voice was hitching as it caught in his throat. He feasibly tried to grasp a word, any word, to tell Tony to stop.

But it was too late; Tony had already made his way over to the booth behind them. “Yeah that’s my mother, so don’t talk to her like she’s a fucking object, got it?” Clay spun around. A few other kids were murmuring words that Clay couldn’t quite hear. He wondered if Tony’s heart was beating as loudly as his was in that moment.

“Alright chill dude, fuck.” Bryce chuckled, except this time it was only him laughing. Marcus and Monty had serious looks on their face, while Jeff and Zach looked away, uncomfortable with the amount of negative attention they were receiving.

Tony spared them one last glance, swore in Spanish, and walked back to the table, sliding into his leather jacket and popped the collar. His shoulders were tight, his posture stiff, but the reassuring smile he sent Clay had no malice. Mrs. Padilla met them at the booth. “You’ve got your papi’s temperament.” She tsked. Her lips turned up, but she schooled her expression quickly.

“You call me if they start running their mouths again” Tony muttered as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, slipping a couple of bills into his mother’s hand.

“I can take care of myself mijo” Tony swiftly kissed her on the cheek in response. Clay was too preoccupied to notice how nurturing the gesture was due to the overwhelming thoughts that coursed through his brain. It felt like his legs were glued to the table. He felt eyes penetrating the back of his head, a catalyst for the growing anxiety that tingled up and down his spine, making a home in the pit of his stomach. He felt vulnerable under that stare, like all of his secrets could be exposed at the blink of an eye.

A hand squeezed his shoulder and Clay flinched as if he’d been burned. The touch was alarming and unexpected but brought no immediate harm. Clay felt a sense of guilt when he looked up to see Mrs. Padilla staring down at him.

“Why don’t you two boys go home.” Clay gave a shaky nod and fumbled out an apology. His legs took a few seconds to process that he had to move. When he stood up and fumbled, feeling like a newborn fawn. Tony watched him with a worried gaze and slowly walked with him step-by-step towards the exit.

“You okay Clay?” The door chimed open and they stepped down the stairs. The sun was starting to set, pinkish light cascading into an orange hue below the skyline. Clay cupped the top of his sweater, preventing the cool evening air from creeping down his neck.

“Yeah Tony, I’m fine.” He assured. The smile felt more like a grimace and he knew Tony didn’t buy one second of it. Clay still felt an odd sense of comfort and security when he slipped into the mustang and buckled in. The engine purred and Clay peered out of his window as Tony pulled back onto the main road.

The drive was silent. Clay gave directions towards his house and listened to the soft rock that played on the cassette. Tony had relaxed considerably since the incident, his hand making its way back to the wheel in a relaxed manner. The other hung out the window, fingers brushing with the wind, a hissing sound as air bounced off the sleeve of his jacket. Clay kept his window closed and leaned against the glass, the soft vibrations thrumming through his head.

When Tony pulled into the driveway, he put the car in park and turned the music down to a lower level. Clay looked over to him, expectantly.

“How long have they been treating you like this?” Tony’s voice was soft. It didn’t hold the judgement Clay was expecting, like the lectures he got from his parents. No, Tony’s voice was genuinely curious, if not a little hurt.

“Don’t worry about it Tony.” Clay brushed it off, picking his backpack off the floor and setting it on his lap. “Thanks for the ride.” He said as he grabbed the handle and opened the door.

“If you ever want to talk about it, about anything,” Tony informed, interrupting Clay’s movements. “I’ll listen. Hell, I’ve listened to hours of Adriana yapping on about some guy down the street.” Tony scratched his neck awkwardly, almost shyly and Clay could do nothing but stare. “Point is Clay, I’m here if you need me.”

“Yeah?” Clay asked, smiling.

“Yeah.” Tony confirmed. “Always.”

Clay looked away to hide the heat trailing up his cheeks and over to his house. The porch lights were on, which meant that Clay’s parents were waiting for him. He turned to Tony and nodded his head. “Thanks Tony, really. I’m sorry about what they said to your mom.”

Tony looked down and nodded. “Yeah well, she’s a tough mujer. Come to think of it, she probably asked the cook to spit in their food.” Clay laughed at that. In the short time he’d known Lucina, he could actually picture her going over to the counter and handing over the order, while telling the cook how troubled those boys were.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Clay asked.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bye Clay.”

“Bye Tony.”

Clay’s parents were sitting in the foyer, their chatter silencing when their son stepped into the house. Clay peeled off his shoes and dropped his bag by the front door. His mom was cuddled up to his dad on the couch, a knitted blanket draped over their bodies as they watched T.V.

“Hey sweetie, who was that?” She asked.

“Tony, he’s new here.”

“You made a new friend?” His father gushed, sending a teasing smile his way. “Lanie our son is quite the popular man.” Clay rolled his eyes and strolled upstairs. “Your food is on the counter!” his dad yelled back with a laugh.

“Got it dad, thanks!” Clay shouted back, closing his bedroom door. He swiftly changed into his pajamas and slipped underneath the covers, pulling out his phone. He responded to the texts he got from Skye and Hannah. When he was done, Clay leaned over and shut his bedside light off as well as his phone. He shifted around in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position and groaned when he realized he had left his bike at school when Tony had picked him up. He’d need a ride from his dad tomorrow. Which most definitely entailed questions about his new friend.

Clay’s mind wondered over to Tony, his soft smile and his retro style. From his leather jacket, to his vintage car all the way to his warm, honey brown eyes that studied Clay like he was something worthwhile.

He couldn’t sleep that night, thoughts of their conversation replaying back and forth like a broken cassette. Every word and every gesture, Clay analysed with a thumping heart and sweaty palms. He’d never felt like this before, he wasn’t even sure he could properly decipher what he was feeling. Not knowing, specifically, not being in control, was something Clay always feared. ‘But Tony’s just a friend’ he told himself, whispering it like a mantra, hoping to ease the pool of anxiety that followed him underneath the covers.

_Tony’s just a friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translations:  
> Por qué no estás en la escuela, Hijo? = why are you not in school, son?  
> mi Mijo= my son  
> Joder= fuck  
> Basta, tony= enough, tony  
> mujer= woman  
> hermosa= beautiful and hermoso= handsome  
> If there's any spanish speakers, let me know if I got the translations correct. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Leave comments if you liked. 
> 
> Cheers, peace and love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really wanted to get this chapter out quickly so sorry for the spelling mistakes. 
> 
> Warning: flashback towards the end of the chapter

It was fascinating how fall came and went so quickly in Crestmont. It was almost as if summer had taken all its vibrant energy and transformed it into its last bursts of colour, filled with warm tones and chilly evenings. Fall felt like the middle to Clay; an equilibrium of the pleasurable times spent in the heat of summer and the icy period of isolation in the winter.

A month into the school year and Clay found himself growing closer to Tony that he ever thought imaginable. Clay had grown accustomed to the way Tony used his hands when he told stories about his family. He noted the way his eyes would crinkle in happiness as Clay expressed his excitement when an old song played on the cassette as Tony drove them to Monet’s.

Then there were times where Clay couldn’t maintain the conversation or stop the flush from rising high on his cheekbones because he felt so nervous around Tony. He often looked aloof as he turned his head to the window, blocking Tony from seeing the redness on his face. But Tony was always patient and often continued to talk, whether he had Clay’s attention or not. When Clay felt less embarrassed he’d turn back and nod his head along with whatever car piece Tony was describing.

Unfortunately, Clay found himself becoming increasingly more nervous around Tony. He constantly stumbled over his words, proceeding to make a fool out of himself. Tony never commented on it. It was frustrating. Clay would have liked it if Tony mocked him. That way it would give him a reason to dislike the guy.

Some days Clay wished he never even met Tony. He didn’t want to be attracted to him.

Every time he thought of intimacy, he felt like he was small again. He felt disgusting and shameful.

When the sun sets lower and the days get colder Clay can’t help but feel stuck in his world of restless thoughts and uncontrollable fears. These thoughts visited him late at night as he laid awake in his bed. His mind often wondered to several different scenarios, each one had voices whispering vicious words into his ears.

No matter how many times he tossed and turned, by the time morning came, the thoughts were still there. They lurked in the shadows during dawn and joined him at the breakfast table in the early mornings. These thoughts were nothing more than parasites, slowly sucking the energy out of every pore until Clay was crying at night without making a sound. Empty tears that trickled down his cheeks and pooled at his neck. Wet, he’d lay there motionless until the tears dried, leaving an uncomfortable itch he had to scratch. Crying left his eyes puffy and his mind exhausted the next morning. It made him wonder why he bothered thinking about it when he knew the result would leave him weakened and miserable.

His thoughts were a parasite, and Clay was the host who made room for them to stay.

He allowed the continuous stream of worry, dread and anxiety to wrap around his body, promising him comfort if he just stayed away. Social isolation had become his safety blanket. He didn’t enjoy talking to people; it was an open invitation for their harsh judgement.

Clay always felt guilty for acting despondent during these times. Hannah and Skye knew how isolation wrapped around him like a second skin. If they weren’t careful, Clay would be buried into his blankets with the blinds drawn all weekend without a word. Clay never blamed Hannah or Skye for not texting during these times. Because as much as he loved his friends, loneliness would win every time. He didn’t have the energy to ask about their day.

He felt even more guilty that he didn’t care enough to ask about their day.

Nevertheless, Skye and Hannah had the stubborn nature of a mule; both a blessing and a curse. It wasn’t uncommon for the girls to wait outside the Jensen household, sometimes throwing pebbles at his window when he ignored his texts. Begrudgingly, Clay would open the door and throw a pointed glare at both girls while pulling the blanket up over his shoulders to cover himself from the cool autumn breeze. The triad would argue back and forth until Hannah demanded he put on some warm clothes or she would meet him upstairs and dress him herself.

That got Clay moving more often than not. He would throw on a fleece sweater and meet the girls outside, shoving his hands in his pockets as the three made their way to the Crestmont theatre. After an hour goes by of watching some crappy science fiction movie, the three would head over to Monet’s and warm their hands with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.  

 _“You feeling better?”_ Skye would ask as she blows cool air onto the surface of her mug, giving the appearance of nonchalance. She looks slightly annoyed, Clay can tell from the way her eyebrows are raised, expecting an answer. The way she nervously taps the mug means that she’s worried as well.

And Clay would sit there for a moment and think. Really think about it. Was he feeling better? He knew that things were supposed to be different this year. Clay should be happier, he had no reason not to be. High school was almost over but it felt like it had barely begun.

After a while he would answer, _“I don’t know”_ as he stared down at his mug. He could hear the chitter chatter of the members of Crestmont, both young and old, enjoying their time together. Clay wondered how many of these people were secretly lonely like he was; going through life day-by-day without truly living. He turned back to his friends when he felt a tentative hand touch his.

 _“You can talk to us Clay. If somethings wrong, we want to know.”_ Hannah said, her voice hesitant and small, so uncharacteristic to her normal exuberant and confident self. Clay always envied Hannah and her confidence, how she could plant herself like a tree in a storm and still remain standing, her roots signifying her resilience. He hated how jealousy turned him into a green-eyed monster; he didn’t want to get mad at Hannah, but he bristles every time he hears her sympathetic tone.

It takes a moment for Clay to calm down, to think before his emotions do the talking. It’s not Hannah’s fault she wants to help, she’s just being a good friend.

 _“I think I might be depressed.”_ He admitted self-consciously scanning the room once more. All he saw were a bunch of happy people.

 _“Have you gotten help?”_ Skye questioned. _“I can hook you up with a therapist.”_

 _“I don’t need therapy.”_ Clay grumbled. He brought his left hand down to strum against his leg. He felt his skin prickle like he was being prepared for battle. _“I’m fine guys really. It’s probably seasonal depression, I’ll get over it soon.”_

But he wasn’t getting over it, no matter how hard he tried. And it didn’t matter what season it was, Clay always felt detached, uninterested and unmotivated. It was a miracle that he was able to complete his assignments and stay on top of his grades.

However, Clay did get better at pretending that he was progressing. He did this mainly so that Skye and Hannah would drop the questions. And eventually they did, much to Clay’s relief. Days had gone by without word of their conversation.

“Hey mom,” Justin said, munching on his cereal. He always chewed with his mouth open. Clay scrunched his nose up in disgust. “You think I can throw a Halloween party this weekend?”

Lannie glanced at her son quickly before returning her eyes to her documents. “You mean the same weekend your father and I are going out of town to visit your aunt and uncle?” She clarified, eyes roaming over pages. Clay peeked a glance at her work and raised his eyebrows at the complicated policies littering the pages. He bit into his toast, crumbs falling onto his plate. Lannie spared him a glance and smiled, bringing the documents together in a polite way of expressing confidentiality. 

“How convenient.” Matt remarked with a smirk. “It’s almost as if you planned this all along.”

“Come on dad. At least I’m asking and not sneaking around your guys’ back.” He reasoned. He pushed his bowl forward, his hands spread out on the table as if he was coach Rick discussing the game strategy to the fellow Liberty High football players. “Okay, I promise only a hundred -a hundred-fifty max- people. I’ll clean everything up and pay for damages, which there won’t be but still. C’mon please mom.”

Lannie sighed as if she’d already gotten a headache. She flickered her gaze to her husband who simply shrugged, signaling that he was alright with the idea. Clay noticed that Justin had those puppy eyes that seemed to work exceedingly well but would look severely disturbing and childish if another teenager copied him. He watched his mom place her elbows on the table, her chin resting in her cupped hands. Her lips were pursed in thought.

“Ground rules,” she began, “Bedrooms are off limits. You can only have the party one day not the whole weekend and if the neighbours start complaining after eleven you have to shut it down or go somewhere else. Mind you if you go somewhere else, make sure you know in advance and do not get into a car with a drunk driver or be a drunk driver am I clear?” Justin’s eyes lit up in excitement, a knowing grin replaced his face as he fell back in his chair.

“Thanks mom-” He said.

“I’m not done,” she interrupted, her eyes flickering to Clay. The latter felt his heart drop in his stomach. He felt a sense of foreboding and he wasn’t even involved in the conversation. “Knowing full well that you might be too drunk to abide these rules, Clay has to be in the house as well.”

“Mom that’s so unfair.” Clay protested, “I’m not babysitting drunk people.”

“It’s not like you’re going out anyways” Justin interjected. “All you do is spend time in your room” Clay bristled at the statement. Not everyone was as graceful to the social crowd as Justin was, clearly not Clay. The jab of insecurity caused Clay to open his mouth in retaliation when all of a sudden, he felt his left pant pocket vibrate. He pulled out his phone and skimmed his notifications, instantly beaming at the message from Tony.

“Who’s that?” Matt queried, raising an eyebrow at his son. Clay shoved his phone back into his pocket and got up hastily. He threw his toast into the garbage and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“Tony, he’s giving me a ride.” His mom raised her eyebrow, a sly smile on her face as she looked over at her husband. Clay could just feel the questions churning through her brain.

“That’s the third time he’s picked you up this week.” She stated in that particular tone. It was the same tone she used with the purpose of gathering more information. Clay hated her lawyer tone sometimes.

Justin got up as well and rinsed out his bowl before placing it in the dishwasher. He leaned against the counter and shot Clay a knowing smirk that caused uneasiness to rush down his spine. “You like the _rides_ right Clay?” He asked, chortling at his own joke. Justin was wearing his varsity jacket like he always did before school, his shoulders relaxed in a laid-back position. Clay narrowly bumped shoulders with him as he passed by, subconsciously gripping his backpack tightly with right hand.

He muttered his goodbyes to his parents as he passed the hallway, hearing the clambering of footsteps and laughter following him. He ignored Justin as he slipped on his shoes and opened the door, annoyed that his brother was following close behind.

“Can you go away.” He snapped turning his head sideways to glare at his brother as he treaded through the yard.

Justin seemed unfazed and gave a slow shrug of his shoulders. “Jessica hit a raccoon the other day, said she saw his soul when she locked eyes with him.”

Clay squinted his eyes in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything Justin?”

“Her front bumper is wrecked so she had to take her car in. I need a ride.”

“Good luck finding one.”

Clay had reached Tony’s mustang on the side of the road by their house. The ‘who’ was playing on cassette, invoking a sense of familiarity. Clay had grown accustomed to Tony’s outdated music choice, wholeheartedly agreeing that music back then had a lot more soul compared to the generic upbeat pop songs of today. He always felt like he had entered a time flip when he saw Tony. The feeling of having something different from ordinary life drew Clay to Tony like a moth chased a flame.

As the beginning chords strung to “my generation”, Tony turned down the music and flashed Clay a heartwarming smile. His arm was casually placed over the passenger seat, with one hand on the steering wheel, and dark shades that framed his face perfectly. He was James Dean mixed with rough edges, yet he held the similar boyish charm to the 50’s star.

“Hey Tony” Clay greeted, blushing slightly.

“Hey Clay” Tony smiled back, calm and reassuring. Tony was always peaceful when he picked Clay up for school. In fact, the only time Clay had ever seen Tony upset was during the first day when he and Tony drove to Monet’s. The way Tony stood up to Bryce within a day of knowing the jock was admirable considering Clay found it challenging to meet Bryce’s eyes.

Justin cleared his throat. Tony’s eyes shifted to the right, landing on Clay’s brother. He peeled off his glasses, clipping the temple piece onto his front shirt. The sun reflected off the lens, casting a ring of light to appear on the dashboard.

“You must be Justin” Tony said, reaching over to shake hands with the man. “Tony Padilla.” 

Justin smiled, “Yeah, I’ve heard quite a few things about you.” He responded. Tony glanced down at Justin’s varsity jersey, then back up at him. His smile looked forced, the same way Clay greeted his distant relatives when they came over for Thanksgiving and asked him very personal questions. Sheepish, Justin retracted his hand in lieu of rubbing his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, about that,” He mumbled nervously, “Those guys are my friends, but they can be jackasses for the most part. So, I’m sorry on their behalf.”

Clay wondered why Justin would bother being friends with them if they were crude but decided to keep his mouth shut. “Is it okay if you give Justin a ride? His girlfriend’s car is in the shop. Even though he should be getting a ride with dad…”

“Clay it’s okay,” Tony interrupted, smile soft once more. Clay felt heat rise to his cheeks at his nervous rambling. He turned his head to the side, willing the obvious embarrassment to disappear. Tony’s eyes flickered to Justin. “Alright get in, but if you spill that drink on my seats I’m kicking your ass out.”

Justin looked down at his protein shake then smiled up at Tony and laughed. He clapped Clay on the back, causing the latter to jump slightly. He watched Justin clamber into the back seat and call out his name. “Clay come on, if I’m late again I’ll be benched from the season’s opener.”

Clay slid into the seat and closed the passenger door. He buckled up and glanced at Tony who had placed his shades back over his eyes and focused on the road. Clay noticed that the glasses seemed to accentuate his strong jawline, the absence of seeing his soft brown eyes gave the demeanor of stoicism. 

Tony glanced a sideways look at Clay, who’s cheeks immediately brightened with splashes of red and jerked his head away. He wondered if Tony could feel the heat emanating off of his body. It was mortifying how a simple glance from Tony could razzle him. It made him uncomfortable, even though the rational part of Clay’s brain told him that Tony hadn’t done anything wrong. He was simply a catalyst for the emergence of these unwanted desires that Clay had hoped he’d never have to feel in his lifetime.

Justin shook his shoulder, causing Clay to blink before he turned around to see his brother in the backseat, seatbelt behind his back and leaning forward. “So, can you help me watch the party?” He begged. Clay groaned, remembering their earlier conversation in the kitchen and turned back around to face the front.

“No” he grumbled, eliciting a confused look from Tony.

“You’re throwing a party?” He asked, bemused, shifting his eyes from Clay to the road.

Clay felt his throat go dry. “Not exactly” He trailed off, hearing a groan from his brother in the back. “My parents will only allow it if I supervise.”

“This freaking blows man,” Justin grumbled, “All you do is spend time in your room. Okay, look, just tell mom and dad that you’ll do it and you can go back to your room.”

“I’m not lying to mom and dad.” Clay retorted, disgusted that his brother would even think that was a possibility. What if something happened and he was blamed for negligence? Justin grunted, and Clay could picture him glaring daggers at the back of his head as he leaned back against his seat and sulked.

“You guys are children you know that right?” Tony shook his head as he made a right turn into the school parking lot. He took the same spot he always did when he drove with Clay. Tony shifted to park and pulled off his shades. “Clay, I just met the guy and I already know he’s annoying. Which means he won’t stop pestering you about this party.”

“This is true.” Justin confirmed.

“So, this is what’s going to happen,” Tony propositioned, “I’ll go with you to the party. We’ll bring Skye and Hannah and we’ll each take turns supervising. That way you won’t be alone all night and scrawny over here will shut his trap.”

Clay huffed out a sigh. He thought about it briefly and rolled his eyes, “Fine.” He conceded. He could just feel Justin grinning in the background.

“I don’t know whether I’m insulted by your words or grateful, thanks man.” Justin exclaimed, clapping a hand Tony’s left shoulder.

“Hands off the leather.” Clay stifled a laugh as Justin retracted quickly, muttering an apology.

~*~

Word had spread quickly about the party thanks to Justin. Clay sat back in the booth and glanced around Monet’s. It was relatively quite for a Friday night with only twenty customers around. Mrs. Padilla had come and served hot chocolates to everyone except Tony, who stubbornly stuck by his coca cola. The girls outright giggled when Lucia complained about how bad the drink was for his teeth, clicking her tongue in disapproval. Tony rolled his eyes fondly but thanked her by patting the hand she placed on his shoulder.

“Your mom is so chill,” Hannah stated, watching Mrs. Padilla walk away. Hannah was dressed in light washed jeans along with a jean jacket over a red flannel. She wore a grey beanie that somewhat managed to tame her wild curls and these gloves that only covered her palms, leaving her perfectly manicured fingers to tap against her mug. “I swear there’s something so hot about a guy who treats his mother with respect.”

Skye snorted. “You need to get laid.” She commented, taking a sip of her drink. Skye was predictable in her own fashion sense, wearing all black like she always did. Recently, she went up a size with her gages. Just the thought of huge holes in a person’s ears grossed Clay out, but he was always too kind to voice his opinion. He always felt squeamish when Skye showed him the videos online.

“What about you Tony?” Hannah deflected, sending a flirty smile his way. “You’ve been here over a month, any special girls?” she pried.

Tony chuckled, and scratched his jaw, almost as if he was nervous. _No,_ Clay remarked, _not nervous._ More like awkward. Like Clay, Hannah and Skye were missing out on some big secret. Like they were the ones that were left out of the loop.

His arm was thrown casually over the booth, resting behind Clay’s back. He had done it so often when the four of them went out that it almost felt natural. In fact, Clay quite liked the sense of security it provided. More often than not, he felt the urge to nestle under Tony’s arm and feel the warm heat radiating off of his body. He wondered how it would feel with their obvious height difference.

Tony took another sip of his drink before he answered. “You guys do know I’m gay right?”

“What?” Clay blurted, maybe a little too loudly based on the couple of heads that turned. Clay averted his eyes from the wandering eyes of strangers and glanced at the man beside him. Tony’s lips twitched up in a smile before he licked them absentmindedly. Clay trailed the action with slight curiosity.

It was times like these were Clay often wondered what it would feel like to kiss another boy.

To kiss Tony.

Had Tony kissed a boy?

Tony shared a look with Clay, eyes studying him unabashedly, leather brushing up against shoulders. Eyebrows creased and something akin to fondness washed over Tony’s features.

“You don’t mind do you Clay?” Tony asked softly. He spoke like Clay was the only one in the room, sharing this private conversation. Tony held an edge of playfulness, with a side of friendly flirtation. It seemed as if he enjoyed how flustered Clay got at the simple question. The attention shouldn’t even be placed on Clay, they were talking about Tony.

Not that there should be a big fuss about his confession either. This was the twenty first century; people should be able to freely choose who they like. In a way, Clay didn’t expect Tony to be so confident in himself, to be so self-assured that his friends wouldn’t leave him. It made Clay envy how unapologetic Tony was; how he seemed to take everything life through him in stride.

“I think it’s really cool.” Clay murmured. Tony looked surprised at the admittance and gave Clay a genuine smile that he felt to the tips of his toes. Clay could feel his face getting warm at the undivided attention he was receiving and chose to break eye contact. He ignored the shocked looks he received from Hannah and Skye and stared down at his mug.

“That’s so unfair.” Hannah cursed, returning her attention to Tony. “You don’t even look gay.”

Tony scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “And what does gay look like?”

“Ryan Shaver.” The girls chimed in unison.

Ryan Shaver was the stereotypical gay guy and everyone at Liberty High knew it. He was flamboyant and expressive, he wore expensively stylish clothes, and he knew the dirt on everyone at school and was unashamed in writing about it in the school newspaper. As far as stereotypes went, Ryan fit the criteria to a T.

“Ah,” Tony said, “Yeah Ryan definitely doesn’t help the stereotype. We’re not all like that.”

“Clearly” Skye muttered, smiling behind her mug. “You’re hot as fuck. And it’s not everyday I say that to a guy.”

Tony gave a playful wink. “Why thank you hermosa.”

Hannah seemed much more excited as she placed her elbows on the table and leaned in. “This is so exciting. I finally have a gay best friend.”

Tony gave her an annoyed look. “Dios mío, I’m not helping you pick out outfits.” He deadpanned.

Hannah pouted. “Can I paint your nails?”

“Not a chance in hell.”

~*~

Clay was the last one to be dropped off at his house. Hannah and Skye had promised to come by early tomorrow to help set up for the party. Clay groaned at the thought; in less than twenty-four hours hundreds of drunk teenagers would be invading his space.

When Tony pulled into Clay’s driveway, he put the car in park and lowered the music. For a split second, Clay considered asking Tony if he could stay in the car a little longer, maybe take a few laps around the block while listening to the Eagles. He felt happy when he was with Tony. Though these thoughts were confusing, Clay wanted to chase that high for as long as he could.

“Tony?” Clay asked, voice almost a whisper.

“Hmm?” Tony said, turning his head to the side. His voice was calm, thumb tapping on the gear shift, the other hanging outside the window, hand caressing the chilly autumn air. The two had fallen into a comfortable rhythm within the short time they’ve grown accustomed to one another. Tony looked so relaxed around Clay, like he’d been friends with him for years.

“I, uhm, thanks for telling us that tonight. For trusting us.” He stammered, gazing down at his shaking hands. Why was he so nervous? It’s not like he hadn’t spoken to Tony before. The feeling of knowing that Tony was staring at him, of addressing all of his attention towards Clay, was a little unnerving. It was an uncomfortable feeling; Clay debated smoothing his hair out to appear more presentable. 

Tony simply looked at him, eyes soft. ‘Take it easy’ played softly through the speakers, slightly louder than Clay’s racing heart. He forced himself to maintain eye contact even though he could feel the heat on his cheeks. He prayed that the darkness of the night successfully veiled his obvious embarrassment.

Tony leaned back, the leather seats whining in protest as he tilted his body sideways to face Clay. Clay watched him move languidly, eyes roaming over his ribs, to his broad shoulders and finally landing on his gentle eyes. “Do you know what my dad said when I told him I was gay?”

Clay shook his head mutely, eyes trained on Tony as he watched him carefully.

“He said, ‘Tony, pass me the wrench and get working on the hood of the car’. He treated me like we were talking about the weather. Like it didn’t even matter what my sexual orientation was.” Tony shook his head as he spoke, a small smile on his face as he recalled the memory. “My dad is the toughest man I know, and it felt amazing that he had accepted the news so easily. After we were done working on the car, he pulled me aside and told me he loved me no matter what, that being gay didn’t make me less of a man.”

Clay’s eyes widened in surprise. In the short time Clay’s known him, Tony never once discussed something so personal with him. He felt a sense of pride that Tony had chosen to share this piece of information with him.

“That’s really nice of him.” Clay said.

Tony drifted his eyes back outside, staring in the direction of Clay’s garage. His fingers began tapping along the steering wheel. Clay found it easier to look at Tony this way, without the presence of Tony’s eyes on his body. He felt too vulnerable under his stare, like Tony knew which strings to pull that would reveal Clay’s secrets.

“I know not everyone will accept me Clay,” Tony began. “The world isn’t at that place yet. But we’ve come a far way, which is better than nothing. Skye, Hannah and yourself, you’re some great people. And I don’t say that shit lightly.”

Clay ducked his head momentarily at the praise and looked back at Tony. The latter had turned his head slightly towards Clay, their faces inches apart. Clay’s breath had stuttered at the sudden proximity but realized that he may have subconsciously inched forward while Tony was talking.

Tony watched him attentively. His eyebrows pinched forward, his hand still gripping the steering wheel. Tony didn’t move forward, he stayed where he was; painstakingly close without brushing the edges. Like grazing his coarse fingertips across the fruit without latching on. 

Clay flickered his gaze down until it rested on Tony’s lips. Soft, full lips with a rosy hue clouded his thoughts.

“I can hear you thinking.” Tony murmured. “You’re driving me nuts here Clay.” Tony’s voice had a raspy edge to it, which involuntarily sent shivers racing down Clay’s spine. He felt like he had been splashed with hot water; everything in his body felt like it was on fire.

Clay’s breath hitched as he felt Tony’s thumb brush against his lower lip, leaving traces of desire behind. His eyes widened in surprise, meeting Tony’s gaze with an edge of uncertainty. How long had Tony wanted to kiss him? Was it that obvious that Clay wanted to kiss him as well?

Clay had never been this close to another boy, prior to the incident. And while he felt his body vibrate with nervous energy, he felt the unfamiliar pang of arousal waken within his core from the soft touches Tony provided. The distant hum of panic was pushed farther away from his brain as he glanced down once more at Tony’s lips. He could faintly hear the music playing.  

_Take it easy_

_Take it easy,_

_Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy._

“Please.” He whispered, too scared to lead but just as curious to find out. The more he waited, the closer the voice got. He could feel the panic rising in his chest. It was breaching closer to his consciousness until he felt warm lips brush against his own.

The touch was tentative, Tony’s touch was so gentle and warm. Clay’s body was filled with tremors that elicited both panic and excitement. Tony seemed to carry enough confidence for them both, edging on the border of eagerness and caution.

Tony’s hand came up to cup Clay’s neck, and Clay flinched slightly at the act. The action was minute. Clay covered it well by covering his hand over Tony’s, a subliminal message that asserted his control. He shivered as Tony deepened the kiss. Tony’s thumb scratched lightly across Clay’s cheek, creating a catalyst for the soft moan that escaped Clay’s mouth.

His cheeks felt like they were on fire; Clay briefly wondered if Tony could feel the heat of Clay’s skin. His eyes that were once screwed shut fluttered slightly as he relaxed into the kiss. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he followed Tony’s lead as best he could. He knew he was inexperienced, yet Tony never pulled away or commented on the shakiness of Clay’s hand against his.

It was only when Tony’s hand lowered onto Clay’s knee did the panic increase tenfold. In hindsight, they were kissing at an awkward angle, bodies twisted to meet each other halfway. Tony’s hand was most likely tired, so he dropped it to Clay’s knee. It was an innocent touch considering Tony was far away from touching any intimate parts.

However, it didn’t stop Clay from jerking back and thumping his head hard against the passenger side window. He hissed in pain, embarrassment and panic following close behind. “Shit Clay,” Tony swore, reaching his hand out to touch Clay. Tony came forward and Clay leaned back as he became instinctively aware of how cramped he felt in the car.

The same car that brought tranquility to his life was now the source of his impending anxiety.

“Stop, please.” He begged, voice getting caught in his throat. His fingers shook as he kept one hand glued to the back of his head, the other resting in his lap.

Tony didn’t hear him. He unbuckled his seatbelt, worry clear in his features as he caught hold of Clay’s arm. “C’mon, let me look at your head.” He said.

“Tony stop.” Clay snapped. Tony stilled, a frown noticeable on his features. He released his hand and held it up showing Clay he meant no harm as he slowly reclined back into his seat.

The two fell into an awkward silence. Clay tried his best to control his breathing but found it rather unsuccessful. His shuddered gasps could be heard in the pitch dark of the night. The music that once added to the atmosphere was the only thing that could be heard.

“I have to go.” Clay said after a while. After he had calmed down and the shakes had left his body. He felt a layer of sweat that had his shirt clinging to his back as he leaned forward and opened the door. Shame prickled his skin as he was unable to meet Tony’s eyes.

“Bye Tony.”

There was a brief pause before he answered. “Clay wait-”

Clay hastily shut the door and all but ran towards his house. He made his way up the steps, faintly aware of the engine of Tony’s car. He surmised Tony was only waiting until Clay had made it safe inside. The thought caused guilt to arise in Clay’s chest as he closed the door and locked it. From his window he could see the taillights disappearing into the distance.

He dragged his feet up the stairs and peeled off his clothes, climbing into bed in his boxers. The voice welcomed him back as it wrapped a blanket around Clay’s body, cocooning him into his own personal cycle of humiliation.

 It was difficult to fall asleep with these thoughts rummaging through his brain and when he finally woke up, he felt more exhausted than he had the past month.

A loud knock came at his door and not even a moment later Justin was in his room. Clay was quick to pull the covers up over his body. He groaned as he looked at his alarm clock. Half past eleven.

“Wake up sleeping beauty, we have a party to organize.” Justin declared.

“The party starts at seven.” Clay deadpanned, shoving his head underneath the pillow to block out his brother’s voice. “Go away.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Justin asked. “Never mind, I don’t want to know. The house has to get cleaned and I have to go over to Jess’ to pick up the DJ equipment from her uncle.”

Clay leveled a stare with his brother. “Justin this was your idea, I’m not cleaning the damn house for you.”

Justin sluggishly leaned against the doorframe, his lips pursed. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if you clean this house from top to bottom.”

Clay rolled his eyes before he put his head back on his pillow. “Fine. Now leave me alone and shut the door on your way out.” He grumbled.

“You’re such an angsty teen.” Justin laughed as he closed the door on his way out. Clay brought his hands up to cover his mind went over last night. He groaned in embarrassment.

Clay flipped onto his side and brought the covers up over his neck, shivering slightly as the cool sheets brushed up against his body. He briefly wondered how it would feel to be pressed up against Tony, with his arm wrapped around Clay’s waist, keeping him safe and warm.

He brought his hand up from underneath the covers and touched his lips, fingers grazing over the soft skin that had been all but ravished the night before. Clay felt his cheeks heat on their own accord at the thought. Hesitantly, he slowly slipped his hand down his chin and to his neck, fingers trailing down his chest and to his hips. He felt the bone jut out as he rubbed the pad of his thumb against his creamy skin.

His breath hitched as his hands lowered to his groin. His body began to prickle with sweat, his heart racing as he felt the excitement pool down south. There was a thrill in knowing what could have happened last night, how far it could have gone. He remembered Tony cradling his head with his hands and treating him like a damn china doll. Like Clay could break at any second and Tony would be there ready to pick up the pieces. He welcomed Clay’s nervousness and stuttering breaths without question.

Clay played with the elastic waist band of his boxers and rolled onto his back. He could feel the dampness between the back of his knees and his neck, his room suddenly rising in temperature. He felt tightness in his boxers and slowly slipped them off his body, tossing them to the ground below.

The sheets brushed up against him, getting tangled in his legs while leaving his chest bare. Clay closed his eyes and pictured that it was Tony’s hands that were touching his body instead of his own. He stifled a whimper as he reached the inside of his thighs and started inching their way up.

_He felt a hand graze his thigh as his heart hammered in his chest. They laid down in Justin’s bed, close to one another. Clay could feel the hot air tickling against his neck and involuntarily shivered. He stared up at the poles that connected his brother’s bed to his own just above. He wished he was in his own bed right now._

_“How does that feel?” Bryce whispered, his hand dipping to the insides of Clay’s thighs, fingers scampering upwards. Clay’s eyes flickered to the door, scared that his parents or Justin would walk in at any moment._

_“I don’t know” he mumbled back, looking away. He whimpered when he felt a hand reach between his legs._

_“Looks like you like it.” Bryce smiled continuing to work his hand up and down. Clay brought his hands up to his chest and closed his eyes. He felt his body begin to tremble._

_“It feels weird,” he admitted, “I don’t like it, please stop.” Clay looked around his room and tried to push his body away, but he was stuck between Bryce and the wall. He glanced over at the toys sprawled around his room, the action figures that lay on the carpet._

_He heard the bed squeak as Bryce leaned onto his elbows, hovering over Clay. The latter tentatively touched Bryce’s hand and tried to push it away. His eyes prickled with tears. He felt embarrassment and disgust at both the boy hovering above him and himself._

_“It’s just a game Clay.” Bryce explained going back to touching his legs. Clay trailed the movement with his eyes but made no move to stop him._

_He simply laid there until he loud footsteps making their way upstairs. Bryce hastily got up and Clay did the same, pulling his pants up and getting out of bed. Justin clambered in a second later with a bunch of candy and the new juice boxes that had the Kool-Aid man on it._

_Justin tossed one to each of them and sat on the floor, proceeding to click tracks together so that the cars could race down. Bryce sat down on the floor with him and ushered for Clay to do the same. Bryce promptly ignored Clay for the rest of his visit, focusing all his attention on beating Justin._

Clay retracted his hand and quickly sat up, throwing the covers off his body. He shakily grabbed his underwear off the hardwood floors. An overwhelming sense of guilt and shame coursed through his body at the thought of touching himself to images of Tony.

He rushed into the washroom and locked the door. He peeled of his underwear for the final time and stepped into the shower, turning the water to an uncomfortably hot setting. He scrubbed at his body, avoiding his genitals and rinsing his hair. He felt his eyes blurry with tears and sniffled loudly, pressing his hands hard against his closed eyes. He choked on a sob, knowing full well that the sound of the water battering on his body would muffle his cries.

Nothing would happen with Tony because he messed it up. Clay was too messed up. He felt like he couldn’t do anything right. He couldn’t even kiss Tony without freaking out and crying about it.

He felt abnormal.

When he got out of the shower, Clay avoided his phone entirely in case he had any texts from Tony. He began to clean the house.

He started by making his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave comments if you liked (I absolutely love the comments) 
> 
> Cheers, peace, and love!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments if you like my story! New chapter will be out soon. Peace, love and cheers!


End file.
